It's so cliche, but I guess there comes a time for everyone when they reach the end of themself. You get to the end of that rope, but sometimes you don't fall - you just simply float.
Is there a word for that? I don't know. But I ran across the word "kenotic" a while back. As I understand it, it refers to emptying, specifically, in the Christian sense:
kenotic
[Late Greek kenosis, from Greek, an emptying, from kenoun, to empty, from kenos, empty.]
n. Christianity
"The relinquishment of the form of God by Jesus in becoming man and suffering death."
Continuing my quote from wiki:
In Christian theology, Kenosis is the concept of the 'self-emptying' of one's own will and becoming entirely receptive to God and his perfect will. It is used both as an explanation of the Incarnation, and an indication of the nature of God's activity and condescension. Mystical theologian John of the Cross' work "Dark Night of the Soul" is a particularly lucid explanation of God's process of transforming the believer into the icon or "likeness of Christ".
So what does this all mean...
Actually, that's what I'm trying to figure out. I wanted to start a new blog - old one hadn't been posted to in quite a while, and really only had meaningless links to tech curiosities. That's a part of me, but that's not me - not who I am, not who I am becoming, not what I want to be known for.
I think God wants to start something new in me, something He's been waiting for me to be ready for for a while. Should be an interesting journey - one that I think begins where I end - where I let go. That's not easy. Control, or at least the appearance and feeling of control, is not something relinquished willingly. It all comes down to the death of the self, the "putting second" your own wants and desires, the realization and life application of an "It's not about me" lifestyle and way of thinking.
I have no idea where I am going to go. I'm not sure I can state exactly where I've been. I just know that I need something different. And hopefully, I'm at a place where I want it enough to let it happen. I can say whatever words I want, but the actions of my life are what will really tell me, and the world, what it all really means.
So, as poor a blogger as I am, I am starting a new, clean, fresh blog. Who knows how often or if I'll update it, but it is here and serves as a demarcation between the past and the future. An Ebenezer, if you will. Maybe, just maybe, it will serve as my "stone of help" if - or more likely, when - I get discouraged, fall back, fail, and feel like giving up. Or maybe not. But I put it down now, an embodiment of the quest I am beginning.
